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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24898552">If I Could, I’d Melt Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scooter3scooter/pseuds/scooter3scooter'>scooter3scooter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Somewhere Over The Rainbow [24]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Guardians (2012)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awesome Baby Tooth (Rise of the Guardians), Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Jack, Hurt Jack Frost (Guardians of Childhood), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intergender, Intergender Jack, Intergender Jack Frost, Jack Feels, Jack Has Issues, Jack Needs a Hug, Jack being Jack, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Jack Frost (Guardians of Childhood), Parental Toothiana (Guardians of Childhood), Poor Jack, Poor Jack Frost (Guardians of Childhood), Post Movie, Protective Jack, Protective Jack Frost (Guardians of Childhood), Protective Toothiana (Guardians of Childhood), Rise of the Guardians (2012) References, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Self-Worth Issues, Set after Rise of the Guardians, Set after movie, happy pride month!, post Rise of the Guardians, pride month</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:15:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24898552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scooter3scooter/pseuds/scooter3scooter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sitting against the wall of ice I made in my not so little outburst, I grabbed at the hem of my baggy sweatshirt, pulling it over my knees, which sit tight against my chest, so that my entire body is engulfed in the soft fabric. It’s not like it matters that a huge ice wall suddenly appeared, who even lives in Antarctica anyway? I leaned my head against the long staff in my hand, breathing out a long sigh. It’s not like I didn’t see this coming, I have no right to be upset. </p>
<p>I never have any right to be upset, never, I’m the Guardian of Fun not the Guardian of being a pathetic little boy too weak to not tear up for every little thing in the world. I’m three hundred years old I should have learned, no I did learn and yet my eyes can’t get the message that crying is a no go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Baby Tooth &amp; Jack Frost, Jack Frost &amp; Toothiana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Somewhere Over The Rainbow [24]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If I Could, I’d Melt Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Day 24: intergender - Jack Frost</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sitting against the wall of ice I made in my not so little outburst, I grabbed at the hem of my baggy sweatshirt, pulling it over my knees, which sit tight against my chest, so that my entire body is engulfed in the soft fabric. It’s not like it matters that a huge ice wall suddenly appeared, </span>
  <em>
    <span>who even lives in Antarctica anyway? </span>
  </em>
  <span>I leaned my head against the long staff in my hand, breathing out a long sigh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not like I didn’t see this coming, I have no right to be upset. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I never have any right to be upset, never, I’m the Guardian of Fun not the Guardian of being a pathetic little boy too weak to not tear up for every little thing in the world. I’m three hundred years old I should have learned, no I did learn and yet my eyes can’t get the message that crying is a no go.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Using my hand not clutching my staff, I grabbed my hood and shoved it over my head. Pulling back my arm I noticed my sleeve slip down, revealing my ruined wrist. Instead of frantically yanking the sleeve back over to hide my too many scars, I paused. Gingerly, I looped my finger in the fabric and pulled it down, showing off my entire arm. Endless lines and lines and lines intercrossed and overlapped all making my wrist look like it was attacked by a feral cat. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It wouldn’t have even looked this bad if it actually had been.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I did not need to roll up my other sleeve to know my other arm matched almost perfectly, at least in essence it did. And that’s all that really matters, now isn’t it? Not like anyone’s ever noticed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not like anyone’s ever even seen me before the last month. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, no I have no right to upset, I have no right to sit here pouting like the pathetic child they all hated for hundreds of years. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But even now that I’m a Guardian they still don’t really see me. I mean… what did I expect?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m stupid, that’s what I am. I actually thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I actually let myself hope of all things</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that I could finally have friends. I mean who am I kidding, </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Am I insane? Why would anyone ever want to be around me? And Jamie doesn’t count, he doesn’t know what I am. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I actually let myself believe that maybe other spirits were like me, but all I ever am is wrong and wrong and wrong. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m so ungrateful, I’m finally surrounded by people, or whatever they are, and yet that suffocating loneliness is still clawing its way inside me. It’s like some sort of demon, eating me inside out, stealing the breath from my lungs so it can breath out it’s burning hot breath into me. Burning burning burning me inside out, it’s like my insides are on fire and somehow I still manage to choke from the smoke inhalation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Isn’t it ironic that Jack Frost, the one who brings winter and snow and frost, is burning inside out. Maybe one day I’ll just melt away… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I gripped my sleeve again, this time yanking it back over my hand like I should have in the first place, sometimes instincts are right. There’s no point in adding more lines to my destroyed canvas, who needs more red on something already stained? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Punishing me won’t fix anything, not this time. It’s my fault anyway, and loneliness is punishment enough. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m alone, utterly alone, if I let myself break down, there’s no one around to see. Even after hundreds of years, I can’t help how often I tear up, but I have, </span>
  <em>
    <span>thankfully</span>
  </em>
  <span>, mastered holding in my tears. I could break down right now, I could finally let myself fall apart for the first time in… I’m not even sure how long, but what’s the point? The second I let my tears fall, they’ll just freeze to my face, needing to be scraped off as if that’s not disgusting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I can create endlessly unique snowflakes, bring window frost to life, and yet I can’t make my tears anything more than frozen droplets to clatter off my face and shatter into a million pieces below me. A broken thing can only make more broken things.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if sensing how alone I am, I heard that familiar squeaking sound. Though I knew to properly punish myself for allowing false hope, I should build walls around all of me, hiding myself away in my own little ice fortress. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But the selfish part of me didn’t want to, that nasty little childish selfish part of me wanted to fly out and find Baby Tooth and hold her close.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Manny, wait! She’s going to freeze out here, why is she even here? I’m not worth it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Standing up, I quickly flit my eyes around for the too sweet for her own good fairy. Spotting her jittering little body, I quickly flew over to her, bringing her in my arms, “Baby Tooth, you’re going to freeze,” I told her, like she doesn’t know that already. I blinked back the insistent tears pressing at my eyes, hoping she hadn’t noticed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She made a soft chiming sound, cuddling into my hands, pulling my sleeve over her like a blanket. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I actively had to force myself not to pull away from her when she was frighteningly close to my sliced up wrist. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But of course her not freezing to death is much more important than my comfort level. She made another noise, looking up at me expectantly. “I’m okay,” I assured her with a practiced until perfect forced smile, “let’s get you back to Tooth, yeah? I’m sure she’s worried sick over you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But instead of complying, she gave me the angriest look she could manage, which on such a small fairy just looked even more adorable. Despite already almost freezing to death, </span>
  <em>
    <span>it must have been pure determination that kept her alive through the arctic until now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she flew away from the comfort of my cold hands, coming up to my face. She placed a small hand on my cheek. Her voice sounded so soft and comforting and </span>
  <em>
    <span>manny if I let myself I could fall apart right now.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But I can’t let myself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, I reached up with my sleeve covered hands to try to warm her, “I’m okay, I promise,” at her unimpressed look I added on, “I just come here to think.” Though she stayed bundled in my sweatshirt, she still looked at me not believing any of my bull shit. “Thank you for coming to check on me,” now that smile was much closer to genuine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Though she didn’t look to completely believe my words, she cuddled further into my shirt, escaping the cruel cold of my skin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe she’s not like me, but she cares. Why else would she have risked hypothermia to come check on me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Does that mean the other Guardians can care? Can they care even if I’m not like them? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Hey Baby Tooth?” I began my question before I could stop to think too much about it and stop myself like I know I’m supposed to, “Tooth… um, Tooth doesn’t like, she doesn’t dislike me, right?” She looked at me in absolute bewitherment, and not at my stupid stumbling of words, she was feriously shaking her head as if it was the most insane question in the world. I forced a rough chuckle from my throat, “just making sure.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Mim, I hope she’s right. I know I shouldn't hope, I know hoping has never worked out before, but maybe this time it can. I mean, now I even have the Guardian of Hope on my side. That’s got to mean something, right?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, I still flew towards Tooth’s home. Maybe this time, it will be a welcome visit. Either way, I still have Baby Tooth on my side, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and that’s more than I’ve ever had before… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was definitely fun to try writing Jack for the first time, I’m hoping to do more RotG fics but we’ll have to see. <br/>Thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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